This is way random and filled with emotions. I'm sure everyone who reads this is probably expecting humor or sarcasm out of it but I can promise you right now that none of that is in this blog.
It has been really stressful couple of weeks. This weekend for sure didn't help. People say you should never regret anything you do because at time that's what you wanted more than anything. And I'm usually good at following that but why is it now that it's 3 in the morning that I can't shut my mind off and stop thinking about what I did? Why is it so hard to not regret things I've done lately? Because isn't that what I wanted then? Shouldn't I just be happy that it's out there now, what I did? And what will happen in the future is what was meant to happen and I only just speeded things up instead of wait around for them to happen.
Hopefully I will find the answers to my questions FAST before I go crazy (or psycho and turn into a serial killer at a university - as I told Garett, Pearl, and Carly today. But I was kidding please don't go call 9-1-1 or something!). I just hope my words don't cost me a friendship that I cherish the most in this world. You see, my problem a lot of times is that I don't think before I do things but then at times I over analyze everything I'm about to do. So the things I should think through, I just do them and the things I shouldn't even have second thoughts about, I think about for days. (I know I should work on that but it sounds complicated and I'm lazy.) As if things at college weren't hard enough, home hasn't exactly been so homely either. I've been struggling to find my voice. Someone told me once that I am treated as a child because at times, I act as one. That I want my parents to protect me always so that's why I can't take my own stand and break free. I thought about that and that person might be right. But I just don't get how to break free without hurting anyone because I just can't bear to see my loved ones hurt. Hope I can sort those things out also because let me tell you, it's intense.
So as I was blabbering on, even after all that's happening, I'm so glad I have great friends that have my back and are willing to do anything for me. It's funny that they think I'm this strong person who never complains and is always laughing and is happy when in reality I really am not. But don't get me wrong, I'm not some emo girl who cuts herself either. I do complain and cry (just not in front of other people because I hate crying!). So it kind of makes me have faith in myself and makes me feel as if I can get through this when my girls feel like that too. It helps me so much when they listen to me whine at 2 in the morning and are just there for me. I seriously am so thankful for them. <3
I think this was enough for today. For those who took time to read me complain, thank you. :) I just want to end this with my favorite song right now. It's called Soon we'll be found by Sia. ( <-- hence the title of this blog.)
"Lets not fight
I'm tired
Can we just sleep tonight.
Don't turn away
It's just there's nothing left here to say.
Turn around
I know we're lost but soon we'll be found"
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